Sandy’s ashes were ready for me to go pick up .
They had been ready for a while; I just could not get myself to go get them. I knew that going to get them would make it all so final.
This week my daughter spoke about Sandy and told me she misses her and asked me “when will Sandy come back home”, and said; “daddy can bring her home now” (as she remembers seeing him take her away).
I had the most vivid dream the other night that I came down the stairs and there she was curled up in her favourite spot at the bottom of the stairs … and I was so happy for just a moment as I savoured that delightful thought and then the reality that it was a dream hit me and I woke up.
I am doing better … her sister is finding comfort in us; and us in her. Strange how life is like this; here one day gone the next. No matter how many losses I have been through it never gets easier.
I took my first walk finally this week; with just her sister Bianca. I used Sandy’s leash and collar on Bianca and let her smell it before I placed it on her; in a sense it was my way of bringing Sandy with us. It was really hard for me … in 12 years I have never walked just one of them alone; and even Bianca found it rather odd as her sister used to take the lead.
Last night my husband brought home her ashes… I am not sure what I will do with them, but for the moment I will just hold on to them.